What have you reminded me
I had to dig out an old blog entry of mine from somewhere to answer this....
It was written back in March 27, 2007 and is a long one.... so hold your horses and go read it here if you want to feel bored
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03/27/2007 For past 5 months, I have been living all alone... I used to think that I am lonely when I lived about 11 years with my roommates finishing up my school, education and all during that period.. But now I reckon, I was never alone.. Alone is when you do not have no one around with whom you can talk... I was so wrong!!!!
I am feeling so weired imagining all this; there I used to be a part of a family in which 12 people were living in a small house of three rooms. Later, after construction, the second Floor of the home had three more rooms. But still, from so much noisy atmosphere to so much lonely surroundings and that too I've been a part of for last 11 years. Iqbal has said:
MaheenaY wis'l kay GhaRiyoN kee soorat maiN uRtaY jaataY haiN
Magar GhaRiyaaaaaaaN judaaai kee guzarti haiN MaheeenoN maiN
I remember those days of my life when tiny little wishes and small innocent dreams were the total treasure of the life. Those minature thougths were, I guess, the most valuable assets of my life. The time when my Mom convinced me to become a Pilot. All those childhood fantasies of becoming a F-16 fighter Pilot.. LOL.. and all that enthusiasm for going to school just because one could not become a Pilot if one would not go to school.
Then, those cherished moments became part of the golden memories. Little later, the eldest sister forced in my mind another idea - dream to become a doctor. A doctor- because my Tayaa (Abbu's elder brother) is a doctor. She showed how much respectable life he has... Then for many years, school for me was a place where I only used to go to become a doctor.
Time passed by, and now I was sure that my goal was to become an Engineer because Abbu was one... There... N.E.D University became the dream of life just like anyother student in Karachi who opts to be an engineer.
But I had to be something else. Not A pilot of the innocent days, neither a doctor of childhood and not even an engineer of yesteryears.
My last memory of those somewhat cherished days was probably the tears falling down the cheeks upon not getting any admission in N.E.D. That bedroom upstairs, West side of which was totally open and from where I could see the Sun Set every evening. Those redish golden gloomy evenings full of kites right from the window and those clouds over the sun as if they were some golden fur, Nature had prepared specially just for me; to get comforts in the hands of my Mom. And yes those stairs going up the roof, where the cold breeze of December and January always reminded me of my days when I wanted to become a Pilot, or Doctor or even an Engineer.
Couple of the friends just could not make it and they are no more with us. Some are back in Same old City of the Childhood, busy in their lives.. and some ran away to East Coast or West Coast of USA and some even to Canada.. Everyone finally got a life but what about that wonderful life of late 80's to mid 90's?
Days passed by where moments turned into days, days into weeks, weeks into months and after so many years, I've achieved somewhat - what my dreams were though a lot still needed to be done.
But, all that at the expense of lonliness, being thousands of miles away from my own loved ones. My parents, my beloved sisters and my very own and very much mine.. my young brothers.
Mohabbbbat kaY liYe diL DhooooNdh koi TooT-nay waalaaaaa
Yeh woh Me'Y hai jisaY rakhtaY haiN Naazuk AabgeenoN maiN
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