How to milk cows...!

ChaiWala · May 8th, 2009, 06:27 pm

NOTE: This is how IT projects are handled..!

Quote:

Softwarism:( Ultimate. ...):

Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them

1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)

2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)

3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)

4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)

5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)

6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2

7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)

8 . Redo step 4

9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)

10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls

13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

18. Client is happy???

By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!

dhobi_bhai · May 8th, 2009, 07:38 pm

What about "Pilot project"?

And this:

6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2 (Chamaat once to the cow and say "starting over from step 2

")

ChaiWala · May 8th, 2009, 07:44 pm

Step 5 fits for "Pilot Project" ..

lol.. step 6.. the cow says...
"bhai jaan, agar sahee levers pull kiya hotay to dobara planing nahee hoti"

dhobi_bhai · May 8th, 2009, 07:46 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChaiWala

Step 5 fits for "Pilot Project" ..

lol.. step 6.. the cow says...
"bhai jaan, agar sahee levers pull kiya hotay to dobara planing nahee hoti"

Step 5!

And for the levers, maybe there are no proper "accessories" (framework) to pull the levers, if you get my drift.

ChaiWala · May 8th, 2009, 07:50 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by dhobi_bhai

Step 5!

And for the levers, maybe there are no proper "accessories" (framework) to pull the levers, if you get my drift.

ooh ya.. thats step 8.. or may be not.

probably a completely new step..!

and *That* would cause more delays..!

dhobi_bhai · May 8th, 2009, 08:00 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChaiWala

ooh ya.. thats step 8.. or may be not.

probably a completely new step..!

and *That* would cause more delays..!

And then, what if after pulling the levers, the user acceptance test fails (quality of the milk is not good)?

We may look at step 12 just to make sure.

Amabel · May 8th, 2009, 08:00 pm

And how about, the client has changed the plans at the last minute (after step 9 when coding is over).
They don't want cow's milk now but goat's milk.

or

another client signs in and wants the flavored milk ASAP

dhobi_bhai · May 8th, 2009, 08:04 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amabel

And how about, the client has changed the plans at the last minute (after step 9 when coding is over).
They don't want cow's milk now but goat's milk.

or

another client signs in and wants the flavored milk ASAP

I say the flavor can be added in step 3.

And if the client wants goat's milk, well that is after the current software is ready for next release, right?

Amabel · May 8th, 2009, 08:14 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by dhobi_bhai

I say the flavor can be added in step 3.

And if the client wants goat's milk, well that is after the current software is ready for next release, right?

If you add flavor at step 3 then you've to seperate 2 different types of milk in seperate containers for 2 clients and have all testing, UAT, documents, etc seperate.

For goat's milk, you may have to stop at step 7 and start working on the goat's milk now.

Lagta hai, hum sub doodh kay jalaay hain

AQ · May 8th, 2009, 08:36 pm

12 & 16

Khaamoshii~ · May 8th, 2009, 10:15 pm

Blonde Baji · May 8th, 2009, 10:19 pm

;smack;
mujhey waisey bhi doodh nahi pasand !!!
cow ka ho ya goat ka !!!

Khaamoshii~ · May 8th, 2009, 10:20 pm

^
phir baree kaisay hoi theen?

dhobi_bhai · May 9th, 2009, 02:56 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amabel

If you add flavor at step 3 then you've to seperate 2 different types of milk in seperate containers for 2 clients and have all testing, UAT, documents, etc seperate.

For goat's milk, you may have to stop at step 7 and start working on the goat's milk now.

Lagta hai, hum sub doodh kay jalaay hain

Add flavor in step 3 because it would already be included in project plan during project kick-off.

For goat's milk, do you think we should go past step 5?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khaamoshii~

^
phir baree kaisay hoi theen?

Amabel · May 9th, 2009, 08:03 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by dhobi_bhai

Add flavor in step 3 because it would already be included in project plan during project kick-off.

For goat's milk, do you think we should go past step 5?

If you add flavor in the beginning, then how would you fulfill the requirements of Client 1 (who wants plain milk). I think we can perfom upto point 9 (for coding etc but not all the docs)
Plain Milk: carry one to all the steps as described.
Flavored Milk: add more steps after step 9 and then do testing, UAT for this project seperate.
So the main project will be divided into 2 sub-projects

For goat's milk, my bad. We can't go past step 5 - unless the client is stupid and we can do the demo on dummy cow

sara · May 9th, 2009, 09:07 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khaamoshii~

Same here !

Blonde Baji · May 9th, 2009, 02:56 pm

the joke was not confusing magar DB , khamoshi aur CW's convo sure is !!! ;bummer;

dhobi_bhai · May 9th, 2009, 05:33 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amabel

If you add flavor in the beginning, then how would you fulfill the requirements of Client 1 (who wants plain milk). I think we can perfom upto point 9 (for coding etc but not all the docs)
Plain Milk: carry one to all the steps as described.
Flavored Milk: add more steps after step 9 and then do testing, UAT for this project seperate.
So the main project will be divided into 2 sub-projects

For goat's milk, my bad. We can't go past step 5 - unless the client is stupid and we can do the demo on dummy cow

If a client wants plain milk, we can add a lot of water (to the milk). From those profits, we can add the flavor and sell it for even more. Step 9 is fine.

Do we want to do separate coding and testing for flavored milk?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blonde Baji

the joke was not confusing magar DB , khamoshi aur CW's convo sure is !!! ;bummer;

Not too bad for a blonde. At least you understood the joke which was divided into 18 separate parts.

Blonde Baji · May 9th, 2009, 06:42 pm

Quote:

Not too bad for a blonde.

;snoota; Dont underestimate us !!! ;honh;
jo bhi hain sardar's sey toh achey hain !!! ;honh;

Amabel · May 10th, 2009, 10:07 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blonde Baji

jo bhi hain sardar's sey toh achey hain !!! ;honh;

maybe we should have a competition between Baji Blonde & a Sardaar

doodh ka doodh aur paani ka paani ho jaye ga ....

we'll then take the doodh and send it to the client

Blonde Baji · May 11th, 2009, 12:14 am

Quote:

maybe we should have a competition between Baji Blonde & a Sardaar

magar we have just one blonde baji & 2 sardar's woh bhi senior citizens ;bummer;
not fair competition ;sigh;

Amabel · Jun 3rd, 2009, 08:19 pm

My fav joke. It needs to stay at top

sara · Jun 3rd, 2009, 08:48 pm

^ Then keep posting in this thread everyday

Amabel · Jun 3rd, 2009, 08:55 pm

^ then who'll take care of milking the cows

sara · Jun 3rd, 2009, 08:58 pm

^ CW

Amabel · Jun 3rd, 2009, 09:16 pm

He'll use the milk for his chai, rather than delivering it to the client

ChaiWala · Jun 4th, 2009, 02:12 pm

haan .. ab meri cow hai.. jo marzi karoun..!

ooh BTW I am working on Cows giving Chocolate milk..!
may cows ko chocolate khila raha houn.. lets see.. kia hota hai. :waiting:

Amabel · Jun 4th, 2009, 09:17 pm

ok so I sent it to a few people.... and this is what I got...

from a VP of Sales & Marketing....

"""In my world I would have to include purchasing who will want a detailed description of the cow, an RFP prior to getting 2 cows to test, vendor approval forms and processes.
Then we would need the technical writers to put together a manual on how to milk the cow and they would need a cow to be able to write the manual and this was not included in the original project plan so now we are over budget and have to go back to management for more money.
Now sales and project management is involved because we are behind schedule.
And finally when the project was delivered it woud be rejected by the customer because they actually wanted goats milk, "didn't the sales rep tell you that?"
""""

sub k sub hi dhoodh kay jalaay hain

dhobi_bhai · Jun 5th, 2009, 09:32 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blonde Baji

magar we have just one blonde baji & 2 sardar's woh bhi senior citizens ;bummer;
not fair competition ;sigh;

Avatar change karnay sey umar choti nahin hojaati.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amabel

ok so I sent it to a few people.... and this is what I got...

from a VP of Sales & Marketing....

"""In my world I would have to include purchasing who will want a detailed description of the cow, an RFP prior to getting 2 cows to test, vendor approval forms and processes.
Then we would need the technical writers to put together a manual on how to milk the cow and they would need a cow to be able to write the manual and this was not included in the original project plan so now we are over budget and have to go back to management for more money.
Now sales and project management is involved because we are behind schedule.
And finally when the project was delivered it woud be rejected by the customer because they actually wanted goats milk, "didn't the sales rep tell you that?"
""""

Sent it to Amabel's network, eh.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChaiWala

ooh BTW I am working on Cows giving Chocolate milk..!
may cows ko chocolate khila raha houn.. lets see.. kia hota hai. :waiting:

Arey Miyaan, cow ko folic acid na khila dee jiyey gaa kahin.

Amabel · Jun 5th, 2009, 09:39 pm

More is coming.... the last point is too good

from Strategic Planner....

... and don't forget
1. The change management programme - telling the farm workers that you will come to milk the cows, and how it will improve their job satisfaction

2. Stakeholder communications - telling the farmer and his neighbours how well the project is progressing in spite of obvious data to the contrary

3. Identify and train the superuser - which one of the farm workers gets to tell the others how they should really be doing it

4. Execute the end user training program - showing the farm workers how to connect and operate the accessories.

5. Offshore the helpdesk - farm workers to phone a person in India who has never seen a cow so that he can tell you how to make the accessories fit onto the cow. Tthat is possibly why they milked the bull the first time round, but we leave that for the Sustain and Improve team to fix as part of the retrofit.